


Instead of Being Doomed, (We) Will Be Held Up As An Example

by letsmoveourbootybutts



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, Grief/Mourning, Jewish Character, Jewish Holidays, Loneliness, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 15:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5545415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsmoveourbootybutts/pseuds/letsmoveourbootybutts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doctor Kleiner takes some time to reminisce on what this time of year used to mean for him, before everything went to hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instead of Being Doomed, (We) Will Be Held Up As An Example

**Author's Note:**

> i celebrated hanukkah for the first time in years with a friend who loves half life as much as i do and wrote this in a surge of confused emotion

Snow almost completely obscured the windows to Dr. Isaac Kleiner's lab, adding a much-needed stealth element. The draft found its way through the cracks, and he shivered even with the civilian winter uniform Barney had smuggled in for him last year when his sweater had finally grown too threadbare. He could barely imagine how unbearable the tenements must be during this time of year. Lamarr was chirruping quietly in her crate, and he perched over the computer to work on modeling their proposed improvements to the current portal design.

Something gnawed at him, a familiar sensation he usually just dismissed as overwork or lack of proper inspiration. He momentarily pondered calling Eli or Judith or even Arne, but his co-workers were likely to be as busy as him if not moreso. Alyx was doing almost daily runs between City 17 and Black Mesa East now to escort refugees through the frozen canals and check on the railroad and Barney was working double-time as their cleaner on top of his Civil Protection duties. Kleiner turned away from his computer and unhooked the latch to Lamarr's crate, letting her tiptoe out and settle at his feet (the weather was making her sluggish and he made a mental note to rig some form of heated bedding for her). As he crouched to scratch her back, it clicked.

He was lonely. 

It was December, and while he had completely lost track of the lunar calendar after the world went to hell, he knew that he was supposed to be with his family at some point during the month. His loneliness was timed perfectly for memories to come flooding back after years of having swallowed his grief and he sat down on the carpet with his head in his hands.

He thought back to his childhood, growing up in a tight-knit family of German Jews living in Greater Boston, and the specific meaning for them of this holiday in particular. There was always the tradition of his aunt recounting her harrowing experience in getting out of Germany in time even though his uncle never made it, but she was so thankful to be alive by grace of miracles and pure dumb luck. 

He remembered the the collaborative effort that his relatives took in cooking, latkes with sour cream and applesauce, rugelach that he was often penalized for stealing, heavy plates of his grandmother's Käsespätze. He salivated, knowing that he might never taste something that good again. One long term resistance goal was establishing sustainable agriculture available for all citizens instead of resistance members who lived near the scattered and small Outland farms, but for now, he was subsisting on stolen ration packets and whatever Alyx and Barney managed to score from resistance bases that grew food or one of the Civil Protection mess halls. And their hands were usually full with Lamarr's meals anyway. 

Lamarr butted up against his thigh and he positioned his legs so she could lie down in his lap while he petted her. The repetitive movements helped him clear his mind a little bit, although he couldn't stop visualizing his the dreidel his grandfather had carved, and his grandmother's kisses even though he had hated them so much at the time, and the lights in the window. 

Even later in his life, visiting his family was a moment of peace and even joy in all of their lives, between his demanding career and his parents' divorce and his aunt's dementia and his cousins' own families. They were still together.

But now they weren't. Everyone he knew from the before time was dead except for a few co-workers and an adopted niece of sorts. He had no menorah, no candles, and nothing to eat (at least not until Barney or Alyx brought him his next meal, whenever they got back). He patted Lamarr some more until she decided that she had had enough and waddled under the desk, leaving him alone.

Kleiner stood up and went back to his computer in the hopes of getting some work done this evening, but then the door to the lab opened. Alyx and Barney stumbled in, shivering, soaking wet and covered from head to toe in mud and unspecified yellow ooze. 

"Hey doc! We grabbed some stuff for you from Black Mesa East!" Alyx set a plastic bag down on the floor. 

"Yeah, we were wonderin' if we could barter some delicious, homegrown fruits, veggies and fresh-caught leeches for a use of your fancy washing machine." Barney added.

"Again? You just used it yesterday!" 

"Yeah, but I don't want anyone gettin' suspicious of all these non-regulation stains and besides, Alyx, tell him about the conditions at Black Mesa East."

"Four washers and dryers for an entire base. Can you believe it?" She widened her eyes in mock horror. 

"Oh, fine. Spare coats are in their usual place." 

The two took turns changing in the dark, mildewy bathroom and washing the worst of the dirt and gunk off their faces and hands before dumping their clothes in the machine. Meanwhile, Kleiner adjourned to the cluttered side room where he kept his kitchen supplies and mattress and unpacked his meal. There was half a watermelon for Lamarr, but he would have to locate more soon. In the meantime, he stuffed it in the miniature refrigerator. Alyx and Barney joined him wearing labcoats over their soaked through underclothes and shivering. He felt an overpowering instinct to tell them to put on a sweater already, he was feeling cold just looking at them! 

"Hey Doctor Kleiner, don't worry, I can make it back to Black Mesa East. It's easier at night anyway." Alyx must have seen the furrow that had accumulating in his brow over the course of the evening, and he shook his head.

"It's not that. It's just…mm. Barney, I expect you to excuse yourself to return to your barracks the minute your uniform is laundered but…would you two care to stay over for dinner tonight? I know it's not much but…"

"But being alone when you're grievin' is the worst." Barney completed his sentence. "We've all been there."

Alyx clutched her necklace and nodded. "We'd be happy to stay."

Kleiner stammered briefly and finally said. "Well it's settled. Now, how should we prepare these leeches?"


End file.
